Feelings

I've been staring at this blank page since I raced my way to a Boston Qualifying time. It's not that I was unsure what to say, there's just too much I want to share. (and probably very little that any of you will actually care to read). I've realized I'm going to have to split it into 3 parts.

 

First: I'm going to have to get some feelings out of the way. They were/are integral and important.

 

Second: The Figures and facts. (mile splits, fueling, etc) It's not interesting to everyone, but I love to have it to look back on. Also, I've made poor Mike wait long enough.

 

Third: The actual race specifics. It's an awesome and fairly unique event. It deserves it's own story. This will likely not happen for a few months, though. I think, once Summer descends and my racing season ends for a while, I'll take that time to go back and share some recaps (expos, crowd support, after parties...that sort of thing)

 

See why this has taken so long? That took up a ton of space and it was only a boring intro!

 

note to moms: step out from behind the camera sometimes. Your children get frustrated when these are the only types of photos they can find with you in them

 

In 2004, my dearest friend (who was also nice enough to have birthed me) found a lump in her breast. She's a semi-professional worrier, so I definitely took it seriously, but didn't panic. She was active, ate healthy, had recently lost a bunch of weight and our family doesn't have a history of breast cancer.

 

I, heavily pregnant, joined her and my dad to hear the results of the biopsy. After what seemed like an eternity, they emerged from the office in tears. They were emotional wrecks (naturally) and started spilling out the bad news. 

 

For some mysterious reason, my every emotion, (even the pregnancy/hormonal ones!) were pushed aside and I just started getting down to business. I'm sure they didn't fully appreciate my immediate barrage of questions and detailed plans of attack, but it sure helped me deal. It was in that moment that I realized my role. I needed to be a source of strength. No, crying and showing raw emotions are not forms of weakness. For me, though, I couldn't break down in tears with them AND sort through how we were going to deal with Breast Cancer. I needed to be tear-free and business-like.

 

Weeks later, my mom and I attended a seminar at the local hospital. The volunteers were explaining various options for headgear during chemotherapy (wigs, scarves, hats) and ways to apply makeup when you've lost all of your eyelashes. They showed a video of heartbreakingly beautiful women, like my mom, who had suffered so much and were dedicated to helping others try to keep their spirits up. It was totally random, but I felt the tears coming. I waddled (still pregnant) to the bathroom and sobbed 'til I puked. My mom never saw, though she may have suspected. We finished off the class, laughed and played with the makeup samples and wigs and left feeling simultaneously devasted and hopeful.

 

 She's not called Grandma, she's "Buddy". Oh, and she loves babies.

 

In January 2005, I delivered a beautiful baby boy and my mom started down a long, hideously awful road of chemo and radiation treatments. We threw her a Hat Party, brought her popsicles when it was all she could stomach, scoured the surrounding cities for some sort of air freshener that was "Nothing" scented. (she became hyper-aware of smells and it further nauseated her) She was so physically weak and battered, but still so very "mom". Everything about her personality remained. I will never forget that. Wouldn't it have been so much easier for her to have just broken down and turned into a whiny jerk?!



"silly, Buddy, it's okay!" "I'm bald, too!"

During one of her follow-up Oncology appointments, the doctor (a runner) stressed to my mom the importance of physical fitness for recovery. At that time, my mom was in no shape to even walk for any length of time, but it turned on a switch in my brain.

Soon after, I started turning my (kinda) daily walks into attempts to run. I knew nothing other than the fact that I could move my feet faster than I previously had, without dying. Also, I loved it.  I kept the new hobby mostly between The Husband and myself, though. (my sissy recently mentioned this in one of her brilliant posts. Yes, my mom's illness and recovery had awakened a desperate need for me to keep my body moving. No, I didn't feel it appropriate to be all "Listen, mom, I know you can't even roll over without pain, but I found out I love to run!" Not good timing.

More babies...more life stuff...lots of time off running, but I re-discovered a passion for it a couple of years later. Short story long : My mom is cancer-free and I've proudly called myself A Runner for about four years. Seemingly unrelated until you toss in the Marathon I just ran.

If you haven't yet clicked on the link, it's a race to "Finish Breast Cancer". 100% of the profits go back into local breast cancer research and support. When picking my races for this year, it was hard to argue with the merits of that one. Since it'd be my third one in five months, though, I expected to just run it "for the cause". Once I fell soooo short of my lofty goals at this disaster of a marathon, though, I was dead-set on running these 26.2 miles in less than 3 hours and 40 minutes.

his Game Face is so much cuter than mine

 

I took the no-brainer route and decided to run this race For My Mom. Only, I didn't actually tell her I'd be doing that. To set a nearly 20 minute PR goal, tell her about it and then tell her how I failed would've been disappointing (for me), to say the least.

 

As I mentioned, all the numbers and race details will be included in the next post. Here's a sneak peek, though : For the majority of the race, I was ahead of the 3:35 pace group. When they passed me, and the miles started getting oh-so-dark, I started down the cowardly route.

 

I told myself it was okay to not Qualify For Boston, as I'd still have my fastest marathon finishing time, ever! That thought was thoroughly destroyed when I remembered My Reason, My Why, My Motivation for this race. Those frightening, surgery and misery-filled days flashed before me.

 

My mother had gracefully survived a Life-Threatening Disease and I was whining about keeping up my pace for 30-40 more stinking minutes?!

 

So I pushed on, without crying. All that strength that magically came to me when my mom was fighting this disease, returned.

I thought of Elaine, another very dear-to-me woman who fought (and fought. and fought) and did not, in the end, survive Breast Cancer. I started to choke up and instead smiled when I realized that, if she were alive, she'd be running this race with me. That type of crazy would be right up her alley.

At mile 24, I thought of Sandy. She, too, was taken by this disease. Instead of running, though, she'd very likely be praying for my soul, assuming I'd lost my mind by paying to run 26.2 miles. That, too, chased away tears and brought a necessary calm.

At mile 25, I was basically a robot. No emotion, no thought other than "You have NOT come this far to FAIL!" Then I saw The Dreaded Bridge and nearly lost it. I was desperately conjuring up images of my mom, my family, the tearful, joyous finish line I'd been imagining all year. That Bridge? It was winning.

Then I saw her. The lady on the left side holding a black poster with white lettering. She wasn't jumping up and down or shaking maracas, like the other spectators. She was simply looking right at me and smiling.

As I begged and pleaded for my shaking legs to make that final ascent, her poster lit those things on fire.

"I'm a Breast Cancer Survivor. Thank You For Running For Me"

We both had sunglasses on, but I like to think we made eye contact. I wish I could've thanked HER. I flew down that bridge and crossed that line while the clock still read 3:39xx. But the tears didn't come. The strength and basic lack of emotion stayed with me. Mostly I was in disbelief. It wasn't until several days later, much like the random sobfest with my mom, that it happened.

I was looking at my race photos and pulled up the Finisher's Certificate. For some reason, when I saw my name, followed by those final numbers, I just sat there and cried. (and cried. and cried) I finally realized that I set out to run a Boston Qualifying Marathon, for my beautiful and amazing mother, and had actually done it. It hadn't just "happened". I FREAKING DID THAT!

I'll never know why my mom was spared when others weren't. All I know is that I'm beyond grateful for every single day I have with her and I'll never be able to thank her enough for inspiring me to conquer seemingly impossible challenges.

 

 





Poll Time

I love getting up really early to work, only to find out the remote server I connect to is down.

NOT!

I'm trying to resurrect that phrase. Let me know if you're on board.

Today's regularly scheduled drivel will be replaced by something beneficial to me only for all of us. The potential racers will be grateful and you, the reader/commenter will be rewarded with a feeling of pride and satisfaction at how helpful you were.

Win-Win.

If you were to be offered a One Mile Race, the weekend of Mother's Day, would you want it to be on Saturday morning (the day before Mother's Day) or Sunday morning (not too early)? The race would be Mom-Themed and very family-friendly. It would, of course, not be limited to those celebrating the holiday, though.

Soooo...that's about it, for now. Two simple questions :

Which day should the race fall on?

How do you feel about incorporating NOT! into your daily conversations?

Oops. Can't have a picture-less post!

"honey, does that say "the clam was hot"?"

"Yes"

"Why?"

"...because the water was hot, mom."

A Runner's Christmas Eve

Twas the day before Christmas, in this runner's place

Morning run out of the way. I tried hard not to race!

Driving home, I saw folks neatly dressed up in red

I'm in shorts and all sweaty, jaunty antlers on head

 

What to do first? Wrap more gifts? Do some baking?

Nah. The Foam Roller's Calling and my tendons are aching!

Stretching's all done, I should don my red hat

But, first, I'm starving! Need to re-fuel, stat!

 

A shower's not happening. This is now sadly clear

This year, for Christmas, folks get stinky cheer

I'll just break out the wet wipes and dry shampoo

Don't judge. I know some of you have been there, too

 

Still on Mom duty, it's breakfast for the boys

Dressed with teeth brushed, playing loudly with toys

Time to get moving. Need to make cookie dough

First, let me just get those miles logged, though

 

Ok. I'll check out this last running site...

Losing track of time, getting closer to night

I'd like that coffee, while it's still warm

Just need to mail this race registration form

 

Time to tackle that laundry, presents and food

Got my mind off running and in Holiday mood

Tape and scissors in hand, all those gifts in big piles

I know! I should go out for a few more miles!

 

So the boys on their bikes and I in my Brooks

Completely ignore the neighbors' strange looks

We get nice and sweaty and have tons of fun

Merry Christmas to all and to all a happy run!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day Ten

Double Digits of Adventrageous! Woohoo! We are moving right along. If anyone says "you're almost there!", Misguided Race Spectator-style, they'll get punched in the ear.
 

Today's Topic : Ten Reasons I Run. I actually keep a running (harhar!) list, in my journal. These are just a handful, in no particular order.

•  I run so I can eat ice cream. Every day, if I feel so inclined.

hello, yummy friend!

• I run to make up for all the years I didn't.

Remedying this problem for our future generations by starting the boys out early

•  I run so I can later drive down that same stretch of the road and think "I ran that". Weird? Maybe. True? Absolutely.
• I run so I can feel like a real athlete. My lack of grace, skill, strength or natural talent in any other physical arena kinda limits me. It's cool, though, because I can run. I can even run for hours on end! Without passing out or vomiting!
• I run to clear my thoughts. You have no idea what intricate problems I can solve during my runs. Or, more often, what mind-boggling thoughts I can completely tune out during the time I'm smacking my feet on the pavement. Either way, it provides great benefits.
• I run to clear my sinuses. It's true! It's a great cure for a stuffy nose.
• I run for friends and family who want to and can't.

we all know someone's who has been here...or worse

 

• I run to stay in shape for racing. That may seem like double-dipping, but the two don't always go hand-in-hand. I love running. I love racing. I want to be able to do both for a very long time.

check out that blurry, heel-striking, happy lady!

• I run to show my boys how cool it is to have a hobby or passion that is also good for your health and well-being. Video Gaming just doesn't stand up to running, in those areas.
• I run to maintain my sanity. 

Today's share : Just in case I'm not the last person to stumble on this fun read, I thought I'd pass it on. I check it every now and then and get a little creeped out. It's like the contributors read my mind!

 

Tell me a reason you run :

 

Not a runner? Why the heck not?



 

 

 



Adventrageous, Round Seven

Yesterday's post was pretty long-winded, so I'll keep this one brief. The gifts from me, to you, just keep on comin'...

 

 

At least six days per week, my attire looks something like this :

no, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. It doesn't even match.

 

I usually run right before or right after taking my kids to school, so this is pretty much my Morning Normal. Sweaty or pre-sweaty running clothes and shoes, a kid on each arm and a travel mug of coffee balanced precariously...somewhere.

 

This morning I had a 9:00 am meeting so I had to dig out "regular people" clothes. It wasn't easy.

 

pants that covered my entire leg. non-tech shirt.

 

not sneakers, even!

 

Sadly, not including my boys' comments, I received four remarks from parents and teachers regarding my outfit, within about 5 minutes.

 

"I almost didn't recognize you!"

 

"Did you get a job or something?"

 

"How are you going to run in that?!"

 

Soooo...apparently time to switch up the ol' daily look.

 

Today's share: Somewhat related to today's topic, even! Amira puts me to shame, in this category. She works out, like, every day AND manages to wear normal (even cute!) clothes the rest of the day. She's fairly new to blogging but already has a loyal following due to her openness, sense of humor and knowledge of fashion (among other qualities I'll never posess). 

Bonus: She's hoping to make her first, full marathon the same one I ran as my first!  We're kinda like twins...only she got the desire to shower and wash her hair, regularly and I am sweaty with old-lady hands.

 





 

 



Day 4 of Adventrageous

"Mom, seriously, what were you thinking trying to blog for 25 days straight?!"

Today's Topic: Blogstuffs. Although fairly new to blogging, I've already learned some valuable lessons about myself in this new venture.

1. When the kids are home and needing snacks, love and refereeing, I produce awful posts and it gives me cold sweats and headaches to even attempt it. Nighttime results in slightly more read-able babble, but I can't guarantee good results due to my tired brain. If ever you happen to read a post from me, that seems somewhat intelligent and/or humorous, be proud of your secret knowledge that it was typed in the morning.
2. While the novelty may someday wear off, I LOVE getting comments. If no one ever read my drivel, I think I'd (sadly) still keep cranking it out. Getting confirmation that people are, at the very least, taking the time to put my page on their browser, makes me feel giddy. Also, I've been lucky enough that the comments, thus far, have been nothing but kind, funny and awesome. I guess that's what I should expect, coming from the people who read this.
3. I should think decisions like "ooh! I should post for 25 days in a row through before impulsively launching into it. Pretty sure there's not actually that much subject matter in my brain. May need to start making up stories...
4. I love having the ability to go back and look at posts like this or this when I'm feeling grumpy about a recent run.

No one wanted to venture a guess regarding the boys' advent surprise, from yesterday. It's okay. It's very unlikely you would've guessed correctly. Had any of you typed "plastic fangs" as your answer, I probably would've been terrified, anyway.

Nothing evokes the Spirit of Christmas more than slobbery fangs

 

Noteworthy tangent: There's a weird sound, outside, that reminds me of someone riding a pogo stick. It's making me want to go out and buy one. I was a spectacular pogo-er, back in the day...when I was 7. Think that's one of those "riding a bike skills?"

 

Ha! Now you're totally confused about what time of day I typed this up. It quickly went from semi-intelligent to totally weird and random, eh?

 

Today's Share: Just because this lady  is very well-known in the running & blogging community, doesn't mean she doesn't deserve mention. Hers was the second blog I bookmarked, back when I first stumbled into the magical world of Reading About Other People's Lives and Training Instead of Doing Laundry. If that's what you're currently doing, stop. Go take the clothes out of the washer, put them in the dryer and then come sit back down. (preferably with a piece of candy or your fourth cup of coffee) It's all about balance, people.

 

Anyway, there are very few off-limit subjects on www.shutupandrun.net. Which is why we like her. Mixed with all the fart talk, though, are some actual knowledge and tools. Here are a couple of examples :

This one about preparing your mind

 

Another great read

 

Those are just a couple of the ones I pass onto friends and enjoy reading, myself. Even if you're familiar with her blog, go check out some entries you may have missed.

 

Next up : My newest Runventure that involved Capri Suns and Wild Boars (obviously)

 

 





 

 

Chip-Free Weekend

My family was spared from running, spectating and/or volunteering at any races, this week.

A. We had a lot of other cool things scheduled

B. Sometimes, we just need a break from all things racing

Don't worry, though. I still managed to run 30 miles in 2 days. I also ingested everything even remotely edible after said miles.

oh, hi, ice cream!

 

Some of my boys picked up the slack, and brought home some well-deserved hardware, too.

Championship Trophy!

 

Fall Soccer has been conquered

 

We'll return to our regularly scheduled Race Madness, next weekend. Until then, I'm going to find my third lunch and then maybe do a little of this :

How was your weekend?

 





Short and Sweet Sunday

Long, crazy week with some successful, encouraging runs thrown in. It is likely no one wants to read a full recap of any of it, so I'll just include some tantalizing photos.

soak with sweat. dry. repeat

 

lots of soccer spectating (and stealing The Oldest's Nook to read "Hunger Games")

 

date night with The Husband! (at ICU to visit father-in-law) Keeping the romance alive...

 

the date also included over-priced (albeit tasty) beer (not served in ICU, for some reason)

 

For Kim

 

How to earn a nap : Run 12 miles and take family canoeing, immediately afterwards

 

What was your 'high' and 'low' for your week?

 

 

 

 



Knock Knock

I had plans to recap last week's workouts, due largely in part to them actually involving running. Then I realized, if anyone *really* cares, they can always check out the stats on Daily Mile. Also, I do have plans for a (near) future post regarding some recent low highlights.

Happy Belated Labor Day, all!! I notice you didn't get me anything to celebrate.
For future reference : I'm not sure what constitutes an appropriate Labor Day gift, but cash is always acceptable around here.

The Littlest had an extended, fun-filled weekend. Remember, he started that whole virus thing. So, by the time the rest of the family was afflicted, he was ready to party. He got to go hang out with my parents (thanks, Buddy & Papa!) while The Husband and I took turns whining and vomiting. After we re-joined the Land of the Living, we kept pretty busy.

all of these children were attended, I swear. We were right under that pavilion!

 

See?

 

The boys and I joined family, friends and my running group for a relaxed, Labor Day, run/ride. We got to jog behind the kids' scooters, bikes and ripsticks, praying they didn't clip anyone's heels. (btw, if anyone's heels were clipped, it was those other kids, I'm sure)

 

 



the splash fights always start with laughter and end with tears

 

 

going to friends' pools is like vacation! (or so I tell them)

 

We wore them out nicely with extra swimming, too. An extra day to play with his brothers and neighborhood friends made everyone extra-happy, too.

 

The poor guy had some Monday Morning (on Tuesday) blues, today. He was not at all excited about getting out of bed, ready for school or out the door. By the time we were on the sidewalk, walking towards the entrance, the child was literally dragging his feet.

 

Fresh out of patience, I tried a new tack. I told The Middlest his brother needed some cheering up and suggested he tell us all a joke. Oddly compliant, he immediately piped in :

 

"Okay. Why did the chicken cross the street?"

The Littlest responded with some sort of unpleasant grunt and I said "Why?"

 

The Middlest answered : "Because he needed to get to school! Let's go!". (Turns out his patience was limited, as well.) Luckily the laughs we got from that, in addition to some of my own juvenile outstanding knock-knock jokes, were enough to brighten the mood. The Littlest didn't exactly skip to join the other Kindergartners, but he wasn't a total Grumpus, either.

 

In regards to getting back into Running Shape, I have tried just about everything. The times my mind is ready (woo-hoo! we get to run! we can totally do this!) my body doesn't comply. When my body decides to not ache and twinge, my mind and doubts step in to crash the brief party. (whoa! slow the heck down, pal. This body was made for gentle walking and foot-elevating, only. Remember?!)

 

My old routines and mantras are useless. I've tried bribing myself.  I've learned that turning up the volume on one's i-pod does not, in fact, drown out nausea and self-loathing. Paying people to tell me I'm doing a great job loses it's appeal after a while. Etc.  

 

I'm nearing the end of my rope with this whole Training After An Injury garbage.

 

Thanks to the brilliant wit of my children, though, I have a new plan for tomorrow's run! I typed in a clever joke into my phone's alarm clock :

 

Q. Why did the chicken lace up her running shoes?

 

A. Chickens don't wear shoes, nor can they manage laces, dummy. Get your butt out of bed and RUN! If it blows, just be thankful you're higher on the food chain than that chicken.

 

It's a work in progress....

 

Any better ideas or jokes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Short and Sweet Sunday III

Dear Elementary School Parent,

     It seems you used some less-than-stellar judgement when you sent your sick, contagious child to Kindergarten, last week. Your poor, sick, contagious child spent some quality time with my sweet, healthy boy. After spending 2, vomit-filled, days with The Littlest, most of our family members succumbed to the same sickness.

scene of the crime. Poor, sweet, innocent victim.

 

   Random parent, you made me miss my first, scheduled long(ish) run, since my stress fracture. I had everything carefully laid out. My alarm was set. My nerves were frayed but I was feeling more and more confident about it. The "motivational speech" from The Husband didn't hurt, either. "Suck it up. You're being a baby." (he chose his words more carefully, but I got the gist)

I would be with my running group, which would help immensely. There would be moral support, plenty of cold waters and sweaty friends to commiserate with.

When the barfing began, and I knew the Long Run wasn't going to happen, I began to silently curse you. The cursing became more intense, but decidedly less lucid as the night wore on. At some point, though, upon realizing I wasn't in fact going to perish in a sweaty, vomiting mess, my thoughts towards you began to change.

I will run long. Do you hear me random, poor decision-making parent?! When I can stand, and stomach a few nibbles of food and some electrolytes, I. will. run. long. It will SUCK. I will revert back to cursing you and possibly even your ancestors. All that aside, you will not ruin any more of my already mostly-broken marathon training.

This morning, I put on the same, laid-out gear and set out for my run. My goals constantly changed, based on how icky I felt. Eventually I settled on completing 9 miles or 90 minutes of running.

I took a happy picture of myself, in front of this lake. Turns out it looked way more frightening than I'd hoped...

 

Nine miles, 1.4 gallons of sweat, 2 walk breaks due to stomach cramping and 16 oz. of Gu Brewed water, later. I stopped for this runners-high-filled photo session. And I thought of you, other parent, and thanked you for giving me a renewed determination to drag myself out the door.

 

 

Sincerely,

 

The mom who ran way more than you did, this week

 

p.s. Hope you enjoyed heaving over the toilet as much as I did!!

p.p.s For running elitists : I realize 9 miles isn't "long", per se...it's all relative when recovering from injury. Says me.





Short and Sweet Sunday II

Condensed version of an excellent weekend

I discovered a new (to me) feature of my Garmin! Did you know it can also be used as just a watch?! I'll paraphrase the owner's manual : "This comes in handy for injury recoverers (new word, too!) who are timing walk/run intervals and not worrying about pace. "

If you're a savvy reader, you've also realized this means my weekend (finally!!) consisted of a teensy bit of actual, real, sweaty, awful horrid,  long-awaited running. (more on this, later)



our new Freshman opted out of the matching Mario backpack. Weird, huh?

This also means that just before the boys embark on a new, school-ish adventure, I get to re-join some running friends for a treasured, 5 am , slow and careful jaunt.

I really did set out their school stuff before my running gear. Really!

Happy Weekend. Happy Week ahead. Hope yours was/is every bit as much!

What are you looking forward to this week? 

Beating the Odds

Today's Workout :
2 mile Fast Walk (is that an oxymoron?)
30 minutes (3 "miles") steady pool running

I won't bore you with the boring details of my boring walk and boring "running" back and forth (endlessly) in the boring pool.

(just a teaser. there was pavement! grass! mailboxes!)



Instead, today, I thought we'd celebrate the fact that the 2012 WSOP (World Series of Poker) is currently being aired on ESPN. Televised poker is Reality TV at it's finest. There's money, tension, laughter, drama, romance, celebrities...and, of course,  poker.

While my husband and I are not big gamblers, per se, we do enjoy a good card game. And, when one isn't available, watching other people enjoying a good card game is sufficient.

Raising children, (3 boys, in this case) can often feel like a high-stakes, life-long tournament. You invest everything. All of your time, money, patience and love gets dumped into the pot, from the day they're born. The payoff can be phenomenal, but grinding it out, for decades is exhausting, to say the least.

As much as I love (I really do!) having all the boys home with me for Summer Break, it often feels like we're involved in a 3-month tournament. Winner(s) take mom's sanity.

This brings us to the subject of Proposition Bets. These are commonly referred to as Prop Bets or Side Bets and can add an extra level of excitement to the game. (reference)  Apparently, the regular Summer Tournament wasn't exciting enough for them. Halfway though a poking, screaming, food-throwing, milk-spilling, incessant arguing lunch, yesterday,  I told my husband I was onto them.

 "They must have a Prop Bet going on! They're competing to see who can make me scream say "I can't wait 'til you all go back to school!!" "

totally staged. They don't often sit around, gambling.

Luckily, I'm a much more skilled poker player than they are. Despite being the serious underdog, (3:1 odds?! ...they're almost guaranteed to win!) I know how to beat them at their new game and hold my tongue.

Also, come Monday morning, I know the scene will look a little something like this :



My heart will break. As much as I'll try, I won't be able to wish Summer 2012 back. At least I'll be able to let them go with zero regrets...and a couple of extra chips in my pocket.