Alternate Reality

In Too-Close-For-Comfort, Alternate Reality World, this is what would be happening : 

In the Alternate Universe, Hammerhead Sharks can fly! 

Today, I would have been anxiously awaiting an X-ray, scheduled at Mayo Clinic, for tomorrow afternoon. It would be my second visit with the specialist and I would be dying to find out if I could finally get the green light to be off the crutches she'd prescribed for six weeks. 

I would have now, not run since December (give or take a couple testers). In fact, I wouldn't have even been walking on two feet or breathing deeply in yoga. My fitness would be gone. My leg muscles almost atrophied. 

In Alternate Reality, though, I would have stuck it out. I would have pushed aside my doubts and wholeheartedly followed the doctor who had just met and knew very little about me. It would have seemed worthwhile when she showed me the healed bone (or the nothing...since X-rays are pretty much useless for stress fractures) on the scan. 

Crutches would be tossed aside, tentative steps would be taken and I would ever-so-gradually be able to incorporate some walk-running, just as the month of May started to creep in. 

It truly wouldn't have been the worst scenario, but...

I just love The Reality so much more 

Cheers to a blissful outcome

I thought, bounced questions and concerns off others, researched and ended up deciding to follow up with my local doctor. 

The aftermath of that visit, the quickly scheduled (next day) CT scan and the follow-up were nothing but good, better and best.  

They definitively ruled out "any underlying masses" (#gloryhallelujah) and finally saw evidence of the offending stress fracture and subsequent healing. 

Through a series of interesting events (not my story to tell, unfortunately) I was also given some very specific and well-researched instructions, moving forward with the new results. It boiled down to me doing just what I had been. Incorporate some walking and light running. When it hurts, pull back and re-group. If it doesn't, keep listening to your body and proceed carefully. 

I had made some good choices and was basically told to keep them up.  

The reigning Queens of Good Choices

Cross-training, including yoga and aqua jogging, were heartily endorsed. I left with a beaming, stupid smile and knew things were finally...finally settled. 

That was April 4th. I have been able to resume training with absolutely no pain. I'm slower than I was 5 months ago, but I know the speed will come back to me.  I've been overjoyed to join friends back on the streets, run some quiet, solo miles,  and even made the decision to travel to Boston, for the marathon. 

another good choice: NOT running the marathon

With a bib in my hand, the sun shining on my face and a chilly morning facing me, it was not easy to make the smart decision. Somehow, it happened, though. While friends and family made their way to the start line in Hopkinton, I jogged through the crowds and cars making their way around downtown Boston. 

It was four miles I never thought I'd be present and healthy for and I was so grateful for the chance. 

Plus, the next day, when fellow airline passengers spotted my Blue & Yellow race shirt and asked "Did you run, yesterday?!" I could cheekily respond : "Why, yes. Yes I did." 

This left me with also plenty of time to eat an un-healthy breakfast (the joys of not racing a marathon), grab a coffee and join the masses to cheer at the finish line. 

Full disclosure : there were several moments, throughout the weekend, some tears escaped before I could reign them in. The moments of pure joy, pride and gratitude far outweighed any of my silly sadness, though. 

Another bonus? I left feeling just as strong and pain-free as I had when I'd arrived in Boston. In Alternate Reality, had I run the marathon (and, boy, did I almost do it!) I would have surely set myself back for many unnecessary weeks. At one point, this had been a goal race for me. 

Things change. Adjustments need to be made to conform to actual reality. 

I hope to update here more often, as my ultimate running goals have only been strengthened. Feel free to read and join me for next few chapters that don't involve being terrified of a cancerous tumor growing in my bone. 

That's an Alternate Reality we can all, happily wave good-bye to. 

Come. Join me up front. 

Relief (ish)

Yesterday, my husband and I were finally able to meet with the Orthopedic Oncologist at The Mayo Clinic, in Jacksonville. 

If you're confused by that sentence, you'll want to go read the past few posts and get caught up. 

Now that we're all on the same page... 

Art took time off work and suffered through the Bike Week traffic to make sure we both arrived, safely. (thank you) However, the clinic requests that the initial exam involves only the doctor and the patient. We had misgivings about not having two sets of ears during the visit, but he agreed to remain in the waiting area, nonetheless. 

I would not have wanted to be The Waiter and am so impressed at his coping ability. (thank you, again) For the record, waiting in the exam room wasn't sunshine and rainbows, either. I tried to distract myself, but my erratic heartbeat and rapidly spreading Stress Hives just wouldn't let up. 

The boys were being cared for and entertained by my mother-in-law, which was an enormous help. (thank YOU, too) While Art and I embarked on this roller coaster road trip, they ate snacks and cozied up for a movie. 

the boys know how to work it

The facility is wonderful. (fun fact: It's also the site of the marathon where I ran my first Boston Qualifying time) I would recommend it to anyone seeking a comforting, comprehensive and state-of-the-art medical center. Our appointment was so late in the day, there was a bit of a "skeleton crew" feel, but that simply made it more peaceful. The remaining staff were all attentive and professional. 

I am not trying to drag out the results of the visit, here. As is always acceptable on this blog : Feel free to skim. I sent many texts, and made many phone calls, after seeing the doctor. I am sorry. I know I wasn't able to personally tell everyone.  There was a lot of traffic and thoughts and not a lot of time. 

The Orthopedic Surgeon came in and asked "So...you're a runner?" I verified and she told me 

"You have a stress fracture." 

She then showed me, on the MRI from January, the dark, almost vertical line running up my tibia, surrounded by a mass of swelling. 

It was difficult to focus on what she was saying, while so many conflicting thoughts were swirling. It was good news. So good! She talked about upping my calcium intake, I asked some annoying questions and I was on my smiling way to tell my husband we could all breathe, again. 

We focused on getting all of us home, so we could relax even further and celebrate our relief. 

not shocking: probably would've drunk this, regardless 

I may or may not have spent a reckless amount of time on this site and even started tossing around the idea of going to Boston, after all. It was a great night. 

Until 4 am. 

My eyes popped open and all sorts of rational and irrational questions and fears completely overwhelmed me. I began to recall bits of the visit I had pushed back in my mind, after hearing the diagnosis. The happiness became fuzzy and then started to fizzle away, completely. 

In a moment of Completely Outside My Comfort Zone,  I grabbed the doctor's business card, swallowed my fear and tried to call her to pour out my concerns. 

Note, it was a more reasonable hour when I attempted to call 

It is an 8-5:00, Monday through Friday number. With the extra time, I will either become much less neurotic, or simply wait (it's what I'm good at, remember) and still call her, Monday. 

In no particular order. And, for the love of everything sacred and beautiful, please feel free to end your read on a "It's just a stress fracture!!" note. Skip the following thoughts and still think somewhat highly of me. 

If you decide to keep reading, please accept this as my apology : When 4 doctors,  2 Physician's Assistants and 2 Radiologists are concerned, for months, that your problem may be a tumor and cancer, it's hard for your brain to accept, from 1 doctor (an expert, however) that it's truly just an injury.

• Why did 2 radiologists see the same, black, line and call it a lesion? Why did they call the swelling a tumor? The difference: They were told to look for a stress fracture on both the MRI and CT scan, but not given any background information. 
• This doctor knew I was a runner. Did it cloud her judgement? Running doesn't necessarily equal stress fracture. I had zero, classic symptoms, signals or causes leading up to the pain. Here is what else can cause stress fractures : tumors 
• Why did she not read their reports? 
• When asked to explain why the other doctors had seen the same scans and had noted "no visible fracture line", she responded with : "They lied." A more scientific or believable response would have gone a long way. 
• Why not order a new scan? The ones she looked at were from January. Wouldn't it help to verify a healing fracture or confirm that the mass hasn't grown or changed? 
• I am still in pain, after 13 weeks. 

Bottom line: I just need some additional reassurance. 

Obnoxious and panicky? Probably. 

Unreasonable? I don't think I care, anymore. 

Even better bottom line: We are all rejoicing and celebrating. The expert confirmed our fears can be alleviated and we can focus on the huge positives. You guys stick with all that and I'll worry about the rest. 

Thank you, again and always, for all of the kind support through this process. I hope to be able to celebrate over and over and over with anyone who will join me. :) 

Still More

I'd be remiss if I didn't, again, thank everyone for their kind words and wisdom. Sharing this has opened up opportunities and insight I could not have even known to ask for. Even the simple "you're in our thoughts" brings us joy and peace. 

Something for me and my family to remember, moving forward. If you don't know what to do to help, a kind word goes a long way. 

Thank you. 

My watch knows what I want to do 

The oncologist's office stayed true to their word and got me in contact with an Orthopedic doctor they trusted. There was a (lucky!) cancellation, and I was able to get an appointment, this morning. After all the weeks of frustrating waits, the last few days have been a blessing. 

The PA and doctor asked a lot of pertinent questions and really listened to my responses. They also took quite a bit of time to actually review all of the scans and written reports. My fear (a bit of PTSD from previous appointments) was that I'd be made to feel silly for all of these steps and tests. 

When the pain initially stopped me in my tracks. (quite literally) There were enough symptoms pointing in the stress fracture direction. When the weeks dragged on and I was still in so much pain, I finally sought professional help to confirm my suspicions (stress fracture) or diagnose a different injury (tear, sprain, etc) and help with treatment. 

With all that's transpired, I fear I give off the impression of trying to dig for something that's not there. That's never been my goal or desire. This was supposed to be cut and dry. I'm supposed to be able to run by now. 

my grandparents are just as enthused by my tangents as you all are 

Back to the update. 

The Orthopedic doctor strongly feels a stress fracture makes the most sense, given most of the circumstances. Based on what he saw on the scans, some of the details and the reports, though, he is not 100% sure. Like the others before him, he was unable to actually find a stress fracture. The growth on the bone could very well be the healing/calcification of an old injury. The margins are irregular, though, and there isn't a single scan that actually shows said, old injury.  Additionally, if the stress fracture is healed enough to be completely covered by new growth, I shouldn't still be having this much pain, at rest. That's my long-winded explanation of why there is enough doubt for him send me on to the next expert. 

They are setting me up with the one and only Orthopedic Oncologist in Central Florida. He will look at the cool pictures of the inside of my leg, listen to me tell this boring story for the umpteenth time, and tell me if he thinks it's a tumor. More tests are likely, surgery is possible, impatient waiting is an absolute given.

In a lovely world, the doctor would have showed me, on the scan "here is your running injury and this is how we fix it." Come to think of it, that's what I have been hoping with every appointment I've had since the beginning of January. That didn't happen, (once again) but I am glad he is not taking any chances.

So, that's where we are in the process. Feel free to ask or share anything you'd like about the situation.

Plus, if you have pain you are not able to ignore, during physical activity, consider seeing a doctor sooner, rather than later. In my experience, it hasn't always been necessary. We aren't always qualified to know, though.

Never Running Again

I have been staring at this blank page, at 4:00 am, trying to figure out how to put this into words. There doesn't seem to be a clever or catchy way to start, so I'll stick with what I know.

The story. 

In early December 2015, I ran the OUC Half Marathon in Orlando. Track Shack does a spectacular job of trying to make you forget what a truly awful race it is. The pre and post-race excitement *almost* tricks your brain into thinking "I should do this, every year!". The heat, uneven cobblestones and boring streets just can't be forgotten, though. 

It was part of my training, so I gave it good, tempo effort but didn't go all out. The time (1:37ish) ended up being 2 minutes faster than I'd previously ran there (2013). 

woohoo! 

I diligently completed all of my post-race recovery steps and felt good. Tired, a little achy, but good. That evening, I stepped out of the car, after a road trip and nearly toppled over. My right calf was NOT happy. As any neurotic runner would do, I proceeded to gingerly hop on it and was terrified at how much worse that felt. 

Crap. 

The next two weeks were agonizing and stressful. My goal race was looming. 24 hours, on a 400 meter track, with the intent of qualifying for the US National 24-Hour team, is not something one can go into half-heartedly. 

I iced, heated, elevated, and had the magic hands of Debbie upon me, more than once. Above all, I didn't push it. During those weeks, I only tested out my running legs a couple of short times. The training plan was furiously re-vamped to include nothing but rest and recovery. 

I can honestly say that when my husband and I boarded the Arizona-bound plane, all the calf pain terror was behind me. No medications involved, no fingers crossed. My biggest fears were getting my gear and nutrition set to keep my body going strong for 24 hours of running. 

The details of the race aren't important. The highs of dining with some of the most amazing athletes I've ever encountered, were swiftly followed by the nauseating lows of limping behind all of them after stabbing pain hobbled me a few, short laps into the morning.  

My husband and dear friend  were so patient and loving. I am still so thankful for the way they picked up the pieces and got us all home, with (somehow) happy memories of the weekend. 

The phantom, on-again-off-again, calf annoyance was now a full-on, stabbing, keeping-me-awake-all-night  PAIN. I put myself on crutches and treated it like what I suspected it to be. A tibial stress fracture. (<-<-It's cool to use fractured sentences when discussing fractured bones) 

Christmas on Crutches! 

Not being able to run is devastating for any runner. Going from 80 miles per week, to zero, was really hard to wrap my head around. With it being a weight-bearing bone, this could continue for at least eight weeks. However, with no actual diagnosis, there was a chance this could all go away much quicker. 

Fast-forward to the day I broke down and went to the ER. Having no Primary Care Provider, it was the only way to get the ball rolling on a diagnosis and treatment plan. I'd fought it for weeks. A stress fracture would be healed by doing exactly what I was doing. Anything else : tear, strain, etc, also just needed rest. However, it had now been just that unsettling bit of "too long" to ignore. The pain was still waking me up at night. I still wasn't able to function as I would like to as a person, much less an athlete. So, to the ER I went. 

The "doctor" peeked at the clean x-ray and immediately turned off his listening ears. He sent me away with instructions to "take a warm bath and possibly try some new shoes" to ease my "shin splints". He refused to order any further tests and the referral he gave me was not one my insurance was able to use. It was a maddening waste of my valuable time. 

But I kept at it. 

New insurance policy, new doctors...it was a mess. Once I started down that path, though, I was either going to get to the bottom of this or stop being in pain. The pain lingered, my frustration and depression grew, so I kept pushing. 

being listed in magazines helped 

Again, trying to shorten this months-long story, so feel free to ask any details you feel are pertinent. 

For now: there was an MRI. Waiting for the results was maddening. The results were even more so. No stress fracture was detected. "unspecified" bits showed up. This meant there was proof something was causing me pain, however, any imaging had so far failed to determine what that might be. All of this was wrapped up with "BUT, it could still be a stress fracture." 

Lovely. 

Last week, I had a CT scan. There were more hoops to jump through to get the results. This finally resulted in me driving to the doctor's office, to pick up a copy. If necessary, I could schedule a follow-up when the doctor became available. For now, though, I just wanted to try to decipher that report and get some answers. 

When my eyes fell on the word "sarcoma", in the report, the world quickly became very small, very quiet and very still. 

I showed it to the receptionist who put me on the schedule to meet with the doctor an hour from then. 

To think of how devastated I was at the prospect of not running for 8 weeks. That my gripe was how much fitness I was losing, how many races I was missing out on, the fun times with friends out on the roads and trails. 

Looking at an upcoming bone biopsy and being faced with, among a dizzying amount of unknowns, the thought of Never Running Again. 

Suddenly, 8 weeks doesn't seem so bad. 

Spoiler

I'm not the type to frantically flip to the back of the book to read the last page, before conquering the rest of the story. I do know and love "this type", but it's not my typical move.

It's been a while since we've all chatted, though, so I'll pretend we're all strangers. With that in mind, for all I know, you guys like fast-forwarding to the end of the story.

So, I guess the current page would read a bit something like this :

 

 

The time for brave-faced jokes and stiff-upper-lipping was over. I finally succumbed. The powerful music that fueled so many months, days, hours...agonizing seconds of training overcame me. I let it wash over me as I crumbled.

 

Physically, mentally...it was inevitable.

 

Those tears of regret and pain that had been threatening for weeks didn't feel therapeutic or peaceful. They burned. They broke me even further. They seemed to be endless.

 



Every Day is Mother's Day

Well...not really. The title simply helps justify a Mother's Day-themed post written a day late.

My blog. My rules.

 

Life's all about balance. Today's example :

 

When you spend a couple of hours, on Mother's Day, running miles in these sorts of conditions :

that "partly cloudy" description was a lie. Unless sweat in the eyes counts as "clouds"

 

You have to balance it out with spending a greater or equal amount of time doing things like this:

 

bliss for the boys and their mama

 

I hope all of your Sundays were awesome. Next up : Balancing blog-posting laziness with...well...un-laziness. 







 

 

Re-grouping and Recovering

Out of our Ragnar Ultra team, I had the shortest total mileage. It still did a number on me, though. Although it was spread over two days, I felt exactly like I'd run a really hard marathon. Unfortunately, due to some more upcoming, exciting races, (more on those, soon!!) I wasn't really able to allow myself to just "take the week off"...or whatever it is smart runners do.

"she has the smallest biceps. Lets give her the baby miles!"

However, this never means I skip recovery altogether. I've learned the stupid hard way, that diligent and patient post-workout routines are key to maintaining the healthy, running lifestyle I've grown attached to.

The folks at this gorgeous-looking spa totally agreed with me. They contacted me in regards to providing me and my readers with some recovery tips. Simple, intelligent and useful...unlike my normal posts. (psst: that's how you'll know when my words end and the article begins!)

Thank you, Jerry, for providing this timely post!

 

How to Improve Your Recovery Time

Marathon training is not any easy task. It’s not just about the running. You must also

care for your body to ensure you’re prepared to run. This means a healthy diet and

injury prevention. Of course, you need a high-energy healthy diet, and you also

need to engage in copious stretching and massage. Here are a few examples based

on similar techniques used at leading spas including Áhsi’ Spa in upstate New York

and some suggestions for do-it-yourself (DIY) massage:

What Can I Gain From Pre-Marathon and Post-Marathon Massage?

Before you start training for a marathon, consider a massage to help the blood

circulate into the tissues. This warms your body and helps to prevent injury that

may occur during a marathon run. If the muscles are tight before a run, it is more

than likely to lead to a sprain or strain. Pre-marathon massages help to prepare the

runner.

The post-marathon massage can help to remove lactic acid from the muscles. With

lactic acids removed, you can heal faster, and the pain will dissipate. Every runner

needs to eliminate pain, and sports massage has been proven effective.

The muscles will also develop in a balanced manner with this use of sports

massage. Balanced muscles will eliminate injury and sprain. Scar tissue can also

be eliminated with the help of massage, and recovery time can be accelerated.

Massage has numerous benefits that are essential not only in marathon training, but

for runner’s at any skill level.

Try a DIY Massage With Self-Massage Tools Made From Household Goods

 

•Massage with Canned Goods. Canned goods can help to alleviate pain in

the feet. Simply remove the label and place the canned good on the floor.

With your weight, press down on the can. As you press and roll the can back

and forth with your foot, the pressure will knead the tight muscles in your feet.

Canned goods are inexpensive and are commonly found in every household.

•Massage with a Foam Roller or PVC Pipe. A PVC pipe can be used in

place of a foam roller if you cannot find one. If you roll your side over the PVC

pipe, the pain in the side will be eliminated. Consider how you can massage

with a foam roller or PVC to release tension and make healing easier.

•Massage with a Tennis Ball. Tennis balls can also be used to knead the

muscles in the feet and in the legs. Consider buying tennis balls to eliminate

any pain in the feet.

Massage is the Key to Healing After a Big Run

After a marathon or any race massage accelerates healing times. There are not

many other methods as effective as massage. Consider incorporating massage into

your training regimen.

What's your tried & true recovery routine?

Do you spring for a massage on a regular basis?